Oh there are those days, when I just can’t seem to get focused. I desire more of God, more of His Word, His presence and His love….and yet somehow, no matter what I do, my mind is going a thousand different directions and I feel far away. I want to meet with the Holy One, and my mind jumps to a bill that needs to be paid, a to-do list that has been left undone, watering, cleaning, lessons, email… The myriad of distractions are endless, and somehow it seems that I cannot force myself to remain focused on all that really matters now and for all of eternity…my personal relationship with Him. The Almighty. The I am.
These wandering days seem to come out of no where. They cause me to wonder, “Why am I struggling to feel close, struggling to focus on the word, struggling to read, to pray to listen to that still, small voice? So I wander, staring at rows of titles lining bookshelves, hoping that some words will reach out and grab me. And when that doesn’t happen, I walk past more bookshelves, seeking that impressive title, that moment…it doesn’t come. So I shake myself loose. I pray. I seek. I listen. Laying myself before Him, finally, I surrender. “God. Ok. Here I am. Just me. Ready to pray, ready to listen, ready to receive.”
And as I pray that simple prayer…it leads to another. Cries from my heart begin to come. Thankful, humbled. I am seeking.
Lord would you stir my heart? Awaken love in me again. Cause me to be stirred with a deep desire, deep passion for you, for your love. I am wandering, looking searching for something! Something greater! Something to excite me stir me help me to press on…something that will take me deeper into your presence, I am hungry for an encounter! Something to remind me of your love, your forgiveness and grace. My heart is aching, longing.
He faithfully responds. I listen. He speaks in so many ways. Through his Word, straight to my heart, my mind…confirming, encouraging, correcting. He reminds me that He never went anywhere. I wandered. He didn’t. I wondered. He remained the same. I searched. He was speaking. When I was was ready to receive, He was already pouring out.