Oh this morning was an interesting one…..
I am not sure if it is because I am at the end of this fast and there is a part of me that is sad, (or if it is because I just need some meat!) or if I just needed an emotional release. Whatever the case, I had quite the cry this morning. I was spending my usual time in prayer – praying over specific things I pray for daily. Praying for my wonderful husband, my children, each of our children, our finances, our church and Pastors, and then I prayed for a couple of friends who were on my heart. I felt prompted to write a card to these friends. It was during this process that I felt the rush of emotions come.
A little history…One of these friends has been in my life for more than thirty years. We both turn forty this coming week. She has been a constant encouragement for me in our adult years, and the longest friendship I have maintained. She inspired me to home school my children. I am aware of her godly influence in my life. She and I have shared many wonderful conversations over the years. She challenges me to think about everything with a biblical perspective. My other friend has been a part of my life for fourteen years. She is also a tremendous blessing to me. She has prayed for me and walked alongside of me during rough patches and times of victory. I have been deeply honest with her in ways that I have never shared with anyone. I have allowed her to see into my life like no one else. I have said things to her that I have never spoken to anyone else, and she has remained a true confidante without judgement. She also encourages me to be a better mom and a better wife.
So as I wrote these cards to two of the most beautiful, amazing women in my life, it almost felt as though I was saying goodbye all over again. The emotions that I felt as I drove away from each of their homes for the last time on the mainland was present. I had to allow myself to go there. Once I started crying, it quickly became sobbing. I took my bible, my hot water, and my prayer journal out to the lanai and just bawled. Yes, the ugly cry. Once the tears subsided and I could see again, I began to write and write and write. Then the tears would come again. I miss these women. There is nothing quite like experiencing deep, meaningful relationships with other women. It has been nearly a year since I have sat across a table from them and talked in person…or hugged them. I felt as though I am missing so much of their lives. I miss their children, I miss their faces, and I miss being close enough that I could just go see them. And yet, I know this is where God has us, and I am so blessed to be here in Hawai’i, I would not change it for anything…I just want these women and their families to be able to come and visit and experience a part of our life here…this part is what feels so uncertain. As I looked up through the palm trees there was a little glimpse of a rainbow just hovering there…as if God placed it there just for me. Reminded of His promises to me, I began to smile and the tears faded.
Our Menu Today:
Sliced fruit with brown rice cake and peanut butter
Black Bean and Veggie Chili, with tons of veggies (celery, carrot, squash, onion, garlic, etc) and a little brown rice
Large Green salad with all kinds of sliced veggies, apples, pears, raisins