Dear Precious Woman,
I think of you often. I see you in his face, and hear you in his laugh. Our son, the child we share, is such an amazing gift. It is in his life that we share our most precious, common bond – however, there is more. We share in a mutual desire, a longing to be a mom. We have both experienced motherhood in very different ways. Neither of us can quite express the longing we feel in words. We have both experienced losses. And although our losses are different, we both can have empathy for one another. The pain we have experienced is familiar to us both. Throughout our lives, we will have to make a conscious effort not to compare our losses. We will need to simply recognize that loss has been a part of our lives.
Our lives, circumstances, and choices have been different. In a particular moment in time, our lives were destined to intersect. That intersection, although it may not have been your first choice, is an important part of our story – of our child’s story. We have been brought together.
This relationship seems unnatural in many ways. From the beginning, I wanted to rejoice over the blessing I have received and yet I am guarded because I do not want to cause you more pain. I look into the eyes of our child and I see your eyes. I hear you in his laugh. You are an amazing person. Our child will always know that.
I love you, birth mother. You have shared with me a priceless gift. I am forever grateful. I am often baffled about how this process can carry so much pain and be so wonderful at the same time. I cannot comprehend the complexities we all feel as a part of this experience. I would not change it for anything. I only seek to understand the depth of emotion we will feel throughout our lives…as milestones pass, as our child seeks you out, as graduations and weddings come and as we share in some of these experiences together, we will certainly experience many different emotions.
This is the process of adoption. As one family feels a great sense of loss, another feels a great sense of gain. And, as sweet as that gain can be, the circumstances are not all sweet – they are often painful. When I think of the sheer enjoyment I experience as I see our child take steps the first time, ride a bicycle the first time, paint a first picture, etc. I feel this element of loss intertwined with my joy. For it is in that moment that I realize that someone very important to my child is missing out on this event.
Thank you for your sacrifice and your selflessness. Thank you for choosing life for this child. Thank you for sharing with me in this miracle of life. You are truly beautiful. I love you.