My family and I have made big changes in the last year. We had known for some time that I should be giving up a job I had. This may seem silly to some. However, the security of the money I was able to make coupled with the security of a wonderful medical plan, dental plan and retirement plan seduced me into staying in this position. I could feel the grace lifting…and I could no longer confidently juggle all the different roles I needed to keep up with and still hang on to the peace that only God can give. I was bound more to the security of the “plans” and the “paycheck” than to the true security that comes from Christ alone. Besides, I had so much flexibility in my schedule, I was able to school my children at home and work and, and, and… I had a bazillion reasons as to why I could not quit my job.
I remember one evening at church some missionaries were visiting and they had shared about risk and trust. Something changed for my husband and I that night. Simultaneously, we had the same conviction about me letting this job go, taking the risk and being available for my family without feeling divided. In that moment my husband and I were willing to take the risk and make whatever sacrifices necessary.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
At first, I felt complete elation. The stress and the busy-ness began to lift and I felt that genuine peace of God again. I had this sense that nothing in the world could hold back God’s ability to meet all of our needs. My husbands business was doing great and I felt a sense of security in that as well. It was when my husbands business started slowing down due to the economy. I then started to worry.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lillies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. Matthew 6:26-29
I had moments of peace…moments of fear…moments of worry…moments of frustration… a few moments of peace again. It seemed like the moments of peace were mostly when things were going well with my husbands business. If we were able to make ends meet I felt peace. If things had to stretch out farther than I was comfortable with, I was in turmoil again. The times of joy and peace were becoming farther apart as frustration took up more space than I should have ever allowed.
As I looked at God’s Word I knew that I was supposed to trust Him and His ways. I was quickly reminded that His ways were not my own, and that I need not worry about clothing and food because He has it all taken care of. Boy, is there a part of me that always wants to help God out in that! Or, help Him understand my concerns about keeping an excellent credit score. It was almost as if I wanted His Word to say, “In all of your ways acknowledge me and I will keep your credit score great!” Of course, that was not the case.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
I am currently reminding myself that God continues to be sovereign and although we are loving Him, serving Him and acknowledging Him in all our ways, we may not have everything happen in the order we expect it. I still have moments of doubt and worry. I am learning to trust Him more…more than the certainty of a paycheck or a healthcare plan. I know that my husband and I heard from the Lord that evening in church. As we walk out our convictions, it is not always easy. But it is always good.
Is the risk worth it? You bet it is! Do I miss some of the comforts of having extra money? Most certainly. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat!