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A Heart for Adoption 10/12/2009

Adoption is an amazing, wonderful, beautiful process. It is a blessing, tainted by pain and bound in love. It is not just a good idea, it is a dream for many and a hope for others. It is never easy… some families wait, and wait, and wait some more before their child joins them. Others wait, and wait, and wait some more before they receive the love they have been hoping for from their child.

An adoptive family has to be ready to give unconditional love, and receive the love they are offered from their  children in whatever form it may come. Adoptive parents have to choose, over and over again, to love and to not be offended when they feel unappreciated or experience sadness because they share the heart of their child with another mom and dad. Adoptive parents must be willing to talk with their children about their sadness and allow them to feel their feelings. Adoptive parents must realize the gift of life and sharing a child with another family.

Adoptive parents love life. They desire to be a part of something bigger and more incredible than they can imagine. They may never completely understand all the complicated emotions, and facets of adoption, but they are willing to put themselves out there anyway.  There are many challenges, and those challenges cannot become their focus. They are ready to face challenges and remain positive – focused on the blessing of life, of being a parent, of giving the best you can give to another. Adoptive parents know they are not perfect, and they try to be the best they can be.  Their desire is to bless children, and to be blessed and changed by the experience that adoption brings. It is an amazing journey. A journey full of love, laughter, beauty, sacrifice, pain, grief and immense joy.

 

Our Garden 28/11/2009

How does my garden grow? It is growing me in so many ways!

On Mother’s Day I had the joy of spending the afternoon outside with my family, planting our garden. My husband built raised beds this year after receiving scabs from a friends mill.  We filled the beds with dirt, purchased our seeds and we were on our way to growing our own food…again. I have come to appreciate my gardening experience in several different ways. I feel a love for the process of preparing, planting, growing, caring for, and reaping my own food, from my own yard, with my own hands. I love the sense of accomplishment when the table is set with food that was planted, grown and cared for by our own hands.  I enjoy taking the children outside in the afternoon and having them pick tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplant, and zucchini for the evening meal. I even enjoy watering and pulling weeds. Time spent with them at my side in the garden is such a gift. I always love hearing their thoughts and dreams and watching them discover the fruits of our labor tucked in behind huge plants.  

My family and I have had gardens before, and we enjoyed the process then. Never before have we paid such attention to planting quality food. We chose heirloom seeds and steered clear of genetically modified foods. We paid attention to who we purchased our soil and seeds from, and did our best to prepare it. We were purposeful in growing our food – not using sprays, and growing our food as organically as possible.  The daily maintenance of watering, weeding, picking off bugs by hand, spoke to me on many levels. I thought of the importance of quality food for my body and for my spirit.

All of the children enjoyed the garden, but one of my daughters in particular always wanted to be with me while I was outside. She became quite the ”Garden Girl.” She liked to look for the fruits of the plants. She would peek under vines and finds new squash, herbs, lettuces. She also provided the best organic pest control anyone could ask for. As she was busy picking bugs off the plants, and creating new habitats for them, she was gabbing away about her day and all the things she wants to do when she grows up, what she thinks about bugs and gardens, and fruits and vegetables, and how amazing God is because He has made so many things, how she wants to stay up late with me and, and, and…. What a sweet time we had! 

The garden has offered many opportunties for me to look at my own spiritual life. I have experienced moments of prayer in my garden when the Lord has been able to use an example, right before my very eyes, about something He wants to show me. For instance, as I planted seeds, some things were so close together they did not grow well. I was reminded of the times in my walk when I have attempted to crowd too many things into my life. These times may produce a lot of vision or seedlings and good starts, but the health of the plants suffer, because things are too close together and they do not have the space to grow to a healthy size. Oh how I can relate to this when I am BUSY! The things I want to see healthy growth in don’t have the opportunity to come to their full potential because I needed to do some “thinning.” 

Early in the summer, some of the plants we grew seemed to be stunted. They seemed fickle, growing and then stopping with the weather. The leaves were light in color and did not look healthy in early summer. As the spring took some time to warm up this year, and June still seemed like a very cool month  – cooler then we are used to in Southern Oregon, I became concerned that the time and money we had spent on growing our own food may be unsuccessful. My plants responded to the weather and I was still harvesting in early November! I can be just as fickle at times. When life is sunny and happy, I am encouraged and impressed to grow and respond in a healthy way. When the day feels gloomy and cloudy I am more likely to respond in the same manner. Some of these plants needed more than water, they needed a boost from natural fertilizer. That fertilizer caused things to perk up and have new blooms. This is how I feel when I am encouraged and have had a boost from worship, the Word, and Christian friends. The Word is amazing and such a necessary part of my life. And, without it, I do not have the water that I need and I will not survive. 

God spoke to me in many ways through the garden. He reminded me that He is like the ultimate Master Gardener, with the best organic practices. He waters my garden, keeps me fed, checks on my growth, and picks off the bugs as they come, and harvests the fruit as it is ready. When tending to those plants that were seeming to fail, after some trimming back and extra care, I would see life again. God gently reminded me of areas in my life that were struggling to stay healthy. I shed tears at times, with my hose in hand, remembering how much my Father loves me. I have  received so much more from this garden than I ever anticipated. Great food, growing relationships with my children, and my God.

 

Garden Variety Salads 20/09/2009

Well, the lettuce did not do as well as I expected, so we have made do with other veggies for salads. Here is my favorite this year!

From the garden:

Several varieties of tomatoes, cut into large pieces or cherry tomatoes cut in half
Zucchini cut into rounds
Onion, diced
Minced garlic
Parsley or Cilantro, or any other herb you have in your garden!
A few TBSP of red wine or rice vinegar to every TBSP olive oil
A TBSP of maple syrup
Sea salt and pepper to taste

Marinate in the refrigerator for an hour (or more) before eating. This is a yummy salad we enjoyed all summer, straight from the garden!

Enjoy!

 

A New School Year 07/09/2009

Sitting praying. Bible open, journal open. With my coffee in front of me I am jotting down thoughts, prayers and ideas as the Lord impresses them on my heart. This is how I start the beginning of each school year. There is a sense of excitement in me. I am looking forward to a new year…new lessons to be written and learned. New books to read with my children and a renewed, fresh look at who I am as woman.

I am complex. I am a lover of God. A woman who needs to spend time with her Lord – worshipping, reading, soaking in His presence, praying, loving and being loved. I am a wife – lover and friend to my husband. I need time with him. Sitting, walking, talking, giving and receiving encouragement. I am a teacher. My children look to me to learn and grow. They need me to be strong in the ways of the Lord, that I may lead them well, discipling them in strength and courage, wisdom and beauty and most of all, love. Blessing them with the truths I know about God and who He is. Leading them, along side of my husband, in such a way they will have no doubt that their Heavenly Father loves them and has an amazing plan for their lives. These are just some of my titles. I am an adoptive mother and a lover of relationships. I am also a gourmet cook, and a-not-so-gourmet cook. I am a daughter, sister, friend, intercessor, speaker, counselor, etc.

I feel impressed to write down titles and topics of books that will encourage me and help me to grow in each of these areas of my life. These books will guide me in areas of study, keeping my focus on God and taking me back to the Word time and time again.  I desire to be the best I can be in the many facets of my life. Whew! With this book list it will be a busy year for me…reading all of this and studying alongside my children. I am looking forward to an exceptional year of study and growth!

 

Library Chronicles 04/04/2009

I am a lover of books. If I have extra money, I want to buy more. I own many books already and there are always more to purchase. I love receiving books that I have ordered in the mail. I am so excited to leaf through the pages, taking a curious glance over the words to see what catches my attention first. With six children you can imagine there is not any time during the day that allows the liberty of unlimited reading time. However, whenever I can steal a moment, I will.

I also love the public library. I especially love that I can borrow many books all at once on many different subjects. Sadly, I have run into the issue of being late in returning books and then suffer the consequences of library fines. Ugh. My children enjoy the library very much as well. We like meandering around the aisles looking at all the possibilities before we make our final selections.
There have been a few incidents recently that have have caught my attention in a different way at the library. Initially I was under the impression that these incidents only occurred when I had all my children in tow. For instance, comments are made about the size of my family and the amount of books we have. Comments at the check out like, “Do all these children belong to you?” And “How on earth did you get all of these children?” “Let’s see how many (while nodding and counting) children are there? SIX! Six children is a lot of work.” My usual response has been to smile and giggle out of sheer shock. When I come to my senses, I try to respond kindly and say something like, “Well, children are a blessing from God.” Or, “The more the merrier.”

This Saturday, I ventured to the library alone. I went alone for two reasons. One, because my children and I were going to be starting a Unit Study on Plants and Gardening and I wanted to be able to collect a bunch of books without answering a bunch of questions…for fear that I may get distracted and then forget what I was after (that happens many times in the course of the day). The second reason I went alone was because I thought surely, no one would have any commentary for me about the size of my family if I were by myself. Ultimately, I was not sure that today was a day in which I would respond in the same kind manner that I usually muster up.

After a long look and lots of help from the librarian (because sadly, none of the books on my resource list were at our public library), I went to the self check out which was wide open to take care of my pile of 26 books. Yes, 26. After knocking the pile over once, the elderly man next to me spoke loudly to his wife, as if he knew me, saying “She’s never going to read all of those books.” Completing my check out, I carefully pulled up my pants.

Oh, friends,  this is such an important note about todays experience. I have not had the chance to tell you yet about my pants. This is a slight distraction, but an important detail. you see, it was a glorious, warm spring day and this was the first day I am wearing pants from last summer’s wardrobe and I am a smaller person this year. Without a belt, my pants were coming down a bit. So, you must picture me carrying a pile of 26 books around the library and struggling to keep my pants up. Now that you have that picture, back to the greater story.

 While hiking my pants up, I carefully balanced my huge pile of books as I left the library doors. The security guard gave my a funny glance accompanied by a grin, or smirk. I ventured on my way – one arm under all the books with my hand grasping the waistband of my pants and my chin balanced carefully on my library card and receipt while I worked to keep everything in order. A young man saw my struggle and quickly opened the door for me asking, “What are you doing?” A massive gust of air blew past me and I nearly lost the receipt and library card from atop the pile. With my chin securely planted I responded to him with a somewhat clenched jaw, “Oh thank you! I am bringing books home to my kids.” He said, “Wow! How many kids do you got?” Of course I cheerfully said, “Six.” As I exited the final door, another couple passed by and with shock and maybe disgust, one of the two said, “Did you hear that? Six kids!”
I barely made it to the van with my pants on and my dignity in tact. Balancing the tower of books, wedged between my body and my car, I dug into my pocket for the keys. Successfully, I opened the back of my van and dropped the books in as quickly as I could.
Praying a blessing over the people I saw as I was leaving I giggled as I replayed the details in my mind. I reenacted the situation for my husband and my best freind later that day. We all had a good laugh. A part of me feels a hint of sadness as I retell this story, and yet I still see the humor in all that took place on my trip to the library. 

If I could, maybe I would go back and ask the people who made comments about what they were thinking…or would I? Maybe I would feel as though I would need to defend having a large family. Maybe I would even feel the need to share my heart for adoption and the children waiting for families. Maybe I wouldn’t do any of these things.

So here I sit, writing and thinking. Thankful to God for my big family. Thankful to him for all he does. For laughter and good times and for the children He has yet to bring into our lives.

 

Sweet Moments 13/02/2009

Filed under: Wholesome Life — jaw123456 @ 5:03 pm

I love time with my husband. The moments that we can steal away alone are precious. At night, when the house is quiet and the children are all tucked in their beds, he and I have the opportunity to catch up with each other. These are wonderful moments in our life. Spending quality time with my children is also a gift. Last night my eledest daughter and I spent some time together snuggled up on the couch reading a devotional and discussing the truth of God’s word.

It is moments like these that recharge me as a wife and as a mother. I am blessed and feel the pleasure of being a mom and wife many times. I realize how important it is for me to create more of these moments with each person in my family. I can see the dividends of these moments almost immediately. I feel closer to them and they feel closer to me…somehow the world is a sweeter place.

 

Friendship 04/02/2009

Filed under: Wholesome Life — jaw123456 @ 3:26 pm
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Friendship is an amazing gift. Friendships that are grounded in God’s love are irreplaceable.  I would sacrifice time in many areas of my life to create more time for relationship (especially over coffee!). I know it is essential for me to create time for fellowship with other believers and like-minded friends. In such a fast paced world, it is easy for me to take these relationships for granted. I can easily become overwhelmed with all the details of my life, and forget to nurture these precious relationships I have with godly women. This past weekend was my birthday, and I was repeatedly reminded of the importance of sharing time with friends. The sweet fellowship, sharing laughter and joy, some heartache, and mostly ourselves.

Sharing a meal and great conversation, my friends and I expressed a level of vulnerability and transparency with each other that left us feeling blessed. Exposing some of my own faults and expressing many of my frustrations from the week, left us laughing and thinking about each other. Sharing laughter and being vulnerable, exposing areas of sin nature, and helping each other see God’s blessings in our lives caused us to draw nearer to each other and quickened us to see all that the Lord is doing in our lives. We could recognize places in our lives in which the enemy has grabbed hold of our attention, and attempted to shroud some of the blessings we should be experiencing. We were reminded, the enemy may be crafty at distracting us, but God is FAR greater, and has so much for us to enjoy! 

I love that the God uses the sweet friendships in my life to remind me of the precious gifts He has for me.  I love seeing friendships deepening, and being strengthened. Where transparency is encouraged, and women can be vulnerable together, knowing that there is no judgement, only love – the sweetest fellowship takes place. Thank you Lord for the amazing women in my life!

 

Hope and Healing 15/01/2009

Life has its challenges and as the holiday season is underway, we are not exempt from pressures and pain that we experience in this fallen world.

My sweet baby, my youngest son, was diagnosed on December 31st with Hirschsprungs Disease. Although he has struggled for a long time with problems related to this disease, the diagnosis makes it seem so final and almost devastating.  Just as I begin to have a sense of feeling downtrodden, the Lord picks me up and encourages me by reminding me of how He is in ALL things.

Today, the Lord brought back to my mind a situation in which my children were able to see the evidence God’s hand in our lives. My husband had a car accident on Christmas Eve. An uninsured driver rear-ended him in the hustle and bustle of holiday traffic. He and I were actually on the phone with one another (before anyone blames the cell phone, they should know he was on his blue tooth :) . He was hit so hard that I the earpiece, which wraps around his ear was thrown from his ear and lost in the car. I could hear the raucous sounds of him grunting, looking for the ear piece saying, “Hold on, Honey!” I knew he had been in a car accident. After several minutes I hung up and then attempted to cal him several times. I was never able to reach him. Until he came home.

He was sore from the accident and he was shaken. The back of his truck was smashed in. And our little four-year old daughter cried as he walked in the door. She crawled up next to him as he sat on the couch and she proceeded to look all around his neck. She was looking for the injury. However, there was nothing to be seen from the outside. We assumed he had whiplash. His neck was tender to the touch and he was hardly able to move without pain. Our little girl cried and kept saying, “Are you going to be okay Daddy?” We were somewhat surprised by her dramatic response and at first we were not sure what to do or say. We knew that God was more than able to take care of my husband’s health needs in the moment and beyond.  

My children gathered round with their little sister in the lead, as she was most concerned. She had all the faith in the world that God would heal her daddy and that he would be ok. The children prayed for their father, and by the time he went to bed that night he had zero pain. He had no pain the following day or any days thereafter. His neck and bruised, shaken body had been completely healed. God is so amazing! I can’t help but believe how much His heart is moved by children who pray.

In the same way, we have received this news about our one year old baby boy who has now been diagnosed with a disease that requires surgery. I trust God in knowing what our son needs. And my heart is pleading with the Lord to heal him completely. In the meantime, I am called to pray with the same concern and the childlike faith that my four-year old daughter exemplified. Hoping and believing for God’s best all along the way. Whether surgery is required or not, healing will need to happen for our little son. Please pray with us . 

As this years holiday season is coming to a close, I am reflecting on the faith of a child amidst the busy, happy times…filled with love and laughter and continual reminders of God’s amazing gifts to us.

 

Legacy 14/12/2008

My family and I had the opportunity to attend my grandmothers memorial service recently. I was honored to sing hymns at her service, which she had requested, because that is what she loved. I am sad knowing that I no longer have my grandmother here on this earth. Oh, how I wish I could pick up the phone and talk with her or go for a visit. And although I miss her, I am delighted to know she is in heaven. I know her relationship with the Lord was solid.  

As I sat in the chapel, withmy husband and children all around, I was looking on at photographs of my grandmother through the years. There were many pictures of her as a younger woman and others of her as an older woman. The constant theme in these pictures was that she was always with her family. My grandmother loved to be surrounded by her family. Also on display at the service was my grandmothers wedding dress. My grandmothers wedding dress (a suit actually, with a fitted jacket and a shorter skirt) was red velvet. It was gorgeous! She was gorgeous. She loved primary colors. And when asked what her favorite color was, she would answer, “Bright!”

Many of the thoughts that were shared about her that day were in regards to how she served others. This service was lived out in many ways. Grandma always asked everyone if they were hungry. She loved to feed people.  Grandma always worried about whether people had enough food. There was a season in my life when my mom and lived with my grandparents while I was in elementary school. Although it was a short season, I remember it fondly. I loved being near my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I will never forget the breakfasts after church on Sundays. My grandma knew how to cook for a crowd. 

My grandmother also had a way of calling for people – yelling, actually. There is a specific tonal quality to this yelling that only her children and grandchildren can re-create. I giggle every time I hear it in my own voice…

As I remember my grandmother, I recognize how much she has shaped who I am and that her influence has directly impacted every area of my life. My grandmother took the word of God seriously. When Jesus spoke of caring for “the least of these,” my Grandma understood those words and answered that call. She prayed daily for her family and she loved to hear the details of our lives. She was so proud of her children and grandchildren.  I loved the many times she would sit and ask all kinds of questions about our family, our ministry, our lives. She would say things to us about what a wonderful family we have.  

People have always told me that  I remind them of my grandmother. I knew there were similarities between us. Yet, I never recognized how much my grandmother shaped who I am today. I am the woman I am today because of the seeds she planted through the years of my life. I went to church with her and sang songs to our Lord. She taught Sunday School and I listened. She and my grandfather hosted bible studies in their home where I witnessed solid teaching and fellowship. My Grandma told me about Jesus and how important it was to pray and read His word. My grandmother instilled in me a love for BIG families. She showed me how to feed people, and help others. She lived by example. Just as she took people into her home to minister to them, I too have taken people into my home.   I am reminded as I cook and care for my family, as I sew, crochet, knit, prepare grocery lists and meal plans,why I love wearing my bright red scarf,  that she was a vital part of shaping me into the woman I am today. I serve others in the way that I do because she first showed me how. 

I am grateful to my grandmother and my grandfather for the years they sacrificed for others. I am thankful that they understood what it meant to follow Christ, and to disciple others. Thank you God for my Grandma. Thank you for all that you blessed her with and all you showed her to do in this life. Thank you for giving her a love for people and for family. She taught us well. I am thankful to my Grandma for answering the Lords Glorious call on her life. It wasn’t always glamorous or comfortable, but she responded. She ran a good race. I look forward to the day we meet again. In the meantime, may I never forget the daily impact I have on people and the legacy I am creating in my family, my church and my community.

 

Kalun turns 12 13/09/2008

Filed under: Wholesome Life — jaw123456 @ 11:52 pm
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Superman Cowboy!

Superman Cowboy!

Kalun, you bring me a lot of joy! Thank you for always having an amazing sense of humor. You always have loved being in costume (which might explain the current *beanie* trend). I will never forget the first time you wanted to dress yourself for church. You were three years old, and came out of your room with bright yellow rain boots, bermuda shorts, a cowboy hat, dress shirt and a plaid vest (left over from a previous Easter outfit). When we got to church, one of the deacons pulled me aside with a kind smile and said, “You decided not to fight that battle this morning, huh?” I love you, son. Happy 12th Birthday!